Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me

WOW. I'm thinking I'm pretty safe because I don't live anywhere near L.A. and I'm a total nobody, but I sincerely hope that I NEVER have to meet her. Never. Seriously. The stuff she does to people is effed up, and I definitely couldn't handle it if she did it to me. Imagine PUNK'd times 100,000. Ashton Kutcher's got nothing on Cheslea Handler.

My first introduction to Chelsea Handler was on a flight to Maui. I had downloaded her audio book My Horizontal Life onto my MP3 player. It was THE most entertaining flight I ever had. Fellow passengers continusouly stole glances at me while I laughed uncontrollably out loud. On more than one occasion I found myself whispering "What the f-?" She is one crazy mo-fo and her antics will leave your head spinning. If you're looking for funny, I highly recommend her stuff.

I had a hard time putting this book down. Supposedly it's written by Chelsea's family, friends, and other victims, but she adds a little paragraph at the end of each chapter. I'm suspicious that she didn't write more of it than she's admitting because each chapter is written in her voice and, well, she's a constant liar (see what the book taught me?).

She gets her jollies humiliating other people. She's sick in so many ways. But I couldn't help but love her at the same time. Isn't that twisted? She's like the friend you want to have but of whom you're also scared to death. After reading this book I keep asking myself, can somebody possibly be that demented? I fear that the answer might be yes.

Here is a little sampler platter to whet your appetite:

"It must be Christmas because I just gave you a Nut Cracker" after administering a massive wedgie to a co-worker

The pranks she has pulled on people are truly unbelievable. You will laugh hysterically, trying to regain your breath, and then when you've had time to digest what you were laughing about your jaw will hit the floor and you'll reread that section only to find yourself laughing just as hard as the first time. Then you'll ask yourself if you're just as sick as she is for thinking her prank/lie/joke was actually funny.

You will not be able to put this book down. 'Nuf said.

I have yet to watch her show, Chelsea Lately, on E! Do I dare?

Next up, Are You There Vodka, It's Me, Chelsea.