If I stay

 I read this book after finishing The Book Thief, which was probably a mistake accounting for my dislike of this book. The writing didn't impress me, and I was turned off by the disjointed flashbacks. I really struggled to finish this one, and probably should have given up and put it down.

However, the last ten or so pages made it all worth it, particularly this last bit: "I'm feeling not just the physical pain, but all that I have lost, and it is profound and catastrophic and will leave a crater in me that nothing will ever fill. But I'm also feeling all that I have lost in my life, which includes what I have lost, as well as the great unknown of what life might still bring me. And it's all too much. The feelings pile up, threatening to crack my chest wide-open." This is real, the pain Mia feels, and anyone that has experienced any form of loss will understand this and weep a little, or a lot, for the feelings that ring so true in Gayle Forman's words.

Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again

"You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unimaginable." p. 145

If you have ever experienced a loss in your life, either through death or divorce or something else, this book is for you. Think of it as a manual to help you navigate through the grief and suffering of loss, with the final destination being Life. As anyone that has lost someone knows, grief is debilitating and lonely and hard to break free from. This book is a helpful coach. Having experienced loss herself, the author's understanding of it and grief is real. That is not only comforting to the reader, but it also makes her advice easier to accept and her suggestions easier to follow.

I found the Grief Cleanse to be the most challenging exercise, but also the most rewarding. I experienced a great amount of frustration and anxiety while doing the written cleanse, but once completed I experienced an overwhelming amount of clarity and peace. It also helped me to want to move forward with my life.

I would really like to take the author, Christina Rasmussen, out for lunch and thank her profusely for writing the book that saved me from spending a lifetime in the Loop of Loss. I received this book at the most perfect time. I had just been lamenting to a friend about how I couldn't seem to shake the sadness that had been following me for years after suffering a devastating loss when this book arrived in the mail. I intended to devour it, cover to cover, in one sitting, but the book's structure did not lend itself to that. Instead, I read it slowly, page by page, stopping frequently to take notes in the margin, underline important parts I want to remember, and journaling when instructed by Christina. I know that this book has changed my life, thrusting me forward out of the Waiting Room and into the miraculous present. I am re-entering Life and it feels so good. This book will have a special place on my bookshelf, and I intend to buy one for every person in my life that could benefit from its words. My life has been transformed.

FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.

The Rosary: The Prayer that Saved My Life

What a powerful and inspirational book!

Being a Catholic myself, I found it easy to identify with the author's love of her faith and religion. I have always had a special interest and love for Mary, but never could quite get into praying the Rosary, no matter how many times I tried. But after reading just the first few pages of this book, I decided to pick up my Rosary beads and give it another try. Why? Because the author inspired me. She inspired me with her story of praying the Rosary each day as she sat in a tiny bathroom in Rwanda just hoping to stay alive. Her faith brought tears to my eyes as I imagined what that experience must have been like for her. Her situation was extreme and terrible and almost impossible to imagine, but I think many of us have had some life experience that has either caused us to move closer to or farther away from God. Rather than believe that God had abandoned her in that bathroom, she picked up her beads and prayed with all her might. In spite of everything awful going on around her, she decided to dig her heels in and draw strength from her source. That is what inspired me.

Before reading this book, the mysteries of the Rosary intimidated me because I didn't really take the time to understand each one and meditate on them. In the book, the author explains an easier way to remember each mystery as one is praying the Rosary and I found that to be incredibly helpful. While praying the Rosary, I struggled less with the "rules" of how to say the Rosary and could focus more on the meaning of the words I was praying. There was a sense of calm and serenity that descended on me as I finished, and it was then that I understood the words the author had written early in the book. The author states that the Rosary has "enormous power", enough to change the world and bring lasting peace to our hearts. I can honestly say that I feel more peaceful after saying the Rosary, and I have only been saying it for about four days now. I felt more peaceful, thus I went out to face my day in a state of peace, hopefully bringing and spreading peace throughout my day. From that I understand the other part of what the author said, that it has enough power to change the world. Imagine if more people prayed this powerful prayer instead of watching the disturbing news headlines before going out into the world each day. As Gandhi said, we have to be the change we want to see. If we want more peace, we have to be more peaceful ourselves. I think the Rosary is a wonderful first step to making that happen.

There was another description that the author gave that will stay with me for a long time. She referred to Rosary beads as a rope hanging down from Heaven. It's comforting to think that there is something right there for us to grab onto that will strengthen our connection to the source that created us.

Many people today are moving away from God, are not into prayer, and have let go of religion. Yet, the world is in such a state of chaos and disrepair. Something from the book that resonated with me is that prayer is so powerful because our minds latch onto the words that we repeatedly say and we begin to believe those words. If that is true, and I believe that it is, why wouldn't someone want to say this prayer of beautiful words? Thoughts and words have the power to transform lives, so why not choose the words we say and think more carefully?

I am sincerely glad that the author chose to write this book, and even more glad to have had the opportunity to read it, because it has a powerful message that is capable of transforming hearts and lives, and that can only be good.

Thank you, Immaculee Ilibagiza, for sharing this book with all of us.

Z: A Novel of Zelda Fitzgerald

It took me way too long to finish this book. It was interesting at first when Scott and Zelda first met, but then things started to drag once their patterns of self-destruction took over. It finally picked up for me around the last 100 pages or so. With that said, I am glad to have read it.

I knew very little about F. Scott Fitzgerald before reading this book, and even though it is a work of fiction much of the important details are based on some truth. I absolutely adored Zelda in this book. I felt she was honest with her feelings most of the time and she held her own against Scott, who was an absolutely despicable husband, but I'll get to that later. Zelda fell in love with the dream with which Scott blinded her. She'd wanted more than Alabama, but was hesitant in following Scott to NYC. Hindsight is always 20/20, but she should have stayed in Alabama. Scott was ambitious, which can be a good thing, but he thrived off the opinions of others. I think that's an occupational hazard in the world of artists, and it certainly was for Scott. Like Hemingway, his good buddy and an equally despicable husband to Hadley (read The Paris Wife), he was the cause of his own destruction. He relied heavily on the reviews of his stories and novels and allowed those to sway his moods. He was a terrible alcoholic, as was Hemingway, and dragged Zelda down with him. I admired Zelda for her determination to pursue her own interests - ballet, painting, drawing, and even writing - and I was so angry with Scott for not encouraging her. He called her pursuits an amateur's hobbies, while his endeavors were of the "professional" nature. All of Zelda's stories, and even her novel, were published, albeit under Scott's name. He never gave her due credit for anything that she did. And I absolutely despised that he allowed Hemingway to alter his feelings for Zelda, telling her that she was the reason he couldn't write anything decent. He was a man with a million excuses. Then, when he had her put into mental facilities for long periods of time in an effort to fix her thinking so that she would return to him only interested in being a "supportive" wife and mother, I wanted to scream! He wanted a cheerleader, someone to accompany him out on the town, looking pretty and smiling and stroking his ego. But Zelda wanted more than that. She wanted to express herself and her own talents, and I admire her for that. She died an untimely death, but I found myself breathing a sigh of relief when she got news that Scott had died. I thought, finally, she can be who she really is without Scott lording over her and trying to manipulate her into his own little "muse".

I did not feel good when I finished reading this one. It was exhausting following this couple on their crazy wheel of self-destruction. The 20's has always fascinated me, and recently I became very interested in learning more about 1920s Paris and the American writers that planted themselves there, but after reading this book and The Paris Wife I think my fascination has waned. For years I have placed writers like Hemingway and Fitzgerald on a pedestal, but now I have come to believe that though they were fine writers their potential was never reached. Their obsessive reliance on alcohol, narcissism, and immoral practices led them astray from what they could have been. And that is so sad.

The Kindness of Strangers

I'm not really sure where to begin with this one. I liked the book and I recommend the book, but I have to be careful here. One of the themes involves coping with and recovering from tragedy. One family is in the process of recovering from a father's death, while another family is hiding a deep, dark secret that will forcefully impact the first family. The mothers of each family are best friends, except mother #1 doesn't have a clue about mother #2's secret.  So how well does mother #1 know mother #2? It turns out not well at all!

I don't want to spoil the book for anyone, but I do want to warn any potential readers to proceed with caution. The subject matter doesn't produce warm and fuzzies, and at times it can be pretty unbearable. However, the writer did an AMAZING job capturing the essence of this subject. She is a middle school English teacher from Ohio. Her words will put you right there in each scene with the characters. You will love some and detest others. If you're like me, you might even find yourself crying loud, heavy sobs on your sunny deck while tears and snot stream down your face. (Luckily no neighbors popped over!)You will want to put your arm around the little boy, Jordan, and tell him you will make everything okay again. You will be more attuned to the signs and symptoms. And you'll probably pray for the safety of all children, for always.

Good luck. Feel free to pop back and share your response/reaction if you decide to read it.

For the Love of Pete

I grew up listening to the exasperated phrase, "For Pete's sake", but never "For the love of Pete" until one day during a morning meeting. I thought, What a cute saying!, and started using it. Then, almost a year later I happened upon this book in a library sale and picked it up for 50 cents. The cover is totally cute - a purple and white VW Beetle with a daisy on the hood - and obviously the price was right. I figured that the worst case would be it turned out to be a dud and I could pass it on to someone else who might enjoy it. It turned out to be pretty good. The writing was so-so  - how can I get paid to be a proof-reader??? - and some dialogue exchanges weren't completely believable. BUT the action-packed plot had me turning pages quickly. This is a fun, quick read that you could finish in one beach day sitting/laying. Check it out! What have you got to lose...for the love of Pete?!  :)

Wabi Sabi Love

by Arielle Ford

The full title of this book is actually Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships 

According to Ford, Wabi Sabi is Japanese for  finding beauty in imperfection (I realize this is probably a loose translation). Ford maintains that this phrase, or idea, can be used to improve the relationships in one's life. For example, how one chooses to see things informs how they appear to him/her. For example, if a person focuses on what irritates him or her about a friend or partner, then they will view the relationship negatively. However, if a person chooses to view another person's differences in a positive light, that relationship will become better. Ford concludes that having differences is inevitable, but what matters most is how we manage the differences. She provides several different exercises throughout the book to help a person go from "annoyed" to "enjoyed", as well as how to more effectively communicate with friends and partners. I think this book could be useful to anyone who wishes to improve the relationships in their life.

A powerful quote included in the book is one by Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet and theologian: "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."